Monday, December 31, 2007

How to explain death to a small child

My son was only 3 years old when his great grandmother died. They were very close and I knew that he would miss her a lot. I knew that a lot of people explained death to children by telling them that the person just went to sleep. To me that was a wrong explanation because I can just imagine being a child and being told that. I would be so afraid to go to sleep because I would be scared that I would not wake up. I would have nightmares and I did not want that for my son.

I thought long and hard about how to explain it to him and then it hit me. He knew about the post office and how you mail letters out, and though we did not go to church regularly, he did know about God. Against some people's advice I took him to the funeral home for a brief time to say good bye to his great grandmother. Before we went inside the funeral home, I told him that Nana would be lying in God's envelope and that she would not be able to talk to him or hug him. I told him that she was already living with God, and that we were getting ready to "mail" her body to God. I also told him that her body would be cold to touch because she was not really here. He walked up to the casket , asked me to pick him up so he could see, then he kissed his fingers and laid them on her cheek, told her he loved her and to have fun with God.

I did not take him to the actual funeral or cemetery. With this approach he did not have nightmares, nor was he afraid to go to sleep. Also, when we passed a cemetery, he would say there is God's post office.

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