I...........

I am in shape. Round is a shape.
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child ... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!
I have the body of a god ... Buddha.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I haven't lost my mind. It's backed up on disk somewhere.
I spend a lot of time in the "hereafter." I go somewhere for something and forget what I'm here after.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
I finally got my head together. Now my body is falling apart.
I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

Have a great day and smile.